At a crossroad, which path to take...

So last year around this time, I went through a "thing" and for some unforeseen reason I am at that exact place again and I think that the outcome will be exactly the same. The more things change, the more things stay the same. I am never the one, why am I back here again when I worked so hard to get out. I feel like a sadist sometimes, it's like I want this shit to happen to me because I obviously have a choice and I always choose what's wrong for me.

I need to get out, out of T.O. and away from all this bad, so much bad. If not New York then London. That's why I have to get out. Yes that means I am running away from my problems but that's the only solution I can seem to find.

I am going to see stuff in the next couple of weeks that I don't want to, let's see how I deal...probably with some bad, bad things to ease the pain. Or I can just hide and then I won't have to see these things that I don't want to see.

This sounds so dramatic but I am bitter, feel pathetic and lost and I need to be settled. I need a break, I need someone to give me a goddamn break. My heart and head hurt, from so many reasons, from too many reasons. I need a break.